Beer Does a Body Good

11:45 on a Friday evening, Sara and Penny walked briskly down the streets of the affluent Northshore suburb. The comfortably warm August weather allowed them to bypass more than a few outer layers.

"Sara, I'm glad I could talk you into going," Penny said. "You look nice."

"I feel like a hooker," Sara replied, frowning. "Where'd you even get this skirt?"

"My cousin Caitlin outgrew a bunch of clothes; it's still a little small for me, though."

"Too small, but clearly not too short," Sara commented. She passed quiet judgment on her friend's skimpy ensemble, which consisted of an even shorter skirt than her own, as well as a purple top that hugged her curves. Sara adjusted her skirt, tugging it down just a hair. "What kind of party is this anyways?"

"Nothing special. Apartment party. Beer, drugs, sex, you know the drill." They stopped at the doorstep. Fortunately for the neighbors, the apartment was at the bottom corner of the complex, sharing only a ceiling with a vacant upstairs unit. The sounds of music and debauchery seeped through the closed door and windows. Penny grabbed Sara's shoulders. "I know this isn't your thing, but please, try to have fun. Okay?


Penny smiled and returned to adjusting her top to maximize her cleavage. "And don't be a game salter. I fully intend to get some before I leave."

"Geez, Penny. You sound like a frat boy." Sara hoped Penny would catch her sneer, but her friend was preoccupied with shoving her phone into her cleavage. "Whatever," Sara resigned, rolling her eyes. "Let's just get this over with."

"Hey, never know. Maybe there'll be a surprise or two," said Penny, winking as she opened the door and entered the party.

The party matched Sara's expectations. Upon entering, a drunk girl hobbled over and placed leis over both of their necks, despite the party not being remotely Hawaiian-themed. Whoever lived there had decorated sparsely, with a few futons, a table, and some tacky rainbow curtains. Penny launched herself into the party, setting her sights on a guy who hooted at them as they entered. Sara grabbed a beer and made a show of looking as unapproachable as possible.

At about thirty minutes in and a few beers deep, Sara loosened up a bit. The familiar buzz of alcohol in her system smoothed out the rough edges of her mood, as she chatted with a guy who she'd already watched fall flat with two other taller and bustier party patrons. He didn't have much to say, and he slurred his word slightly, but he was friendly. Penny had already sauntered into the back bedroom hand-in-hand with a guy whose starstruck expression indicated he was ready for anything but small talk.

A sudden pop on her rear end snapped Sara to attention. She turned around to see a camera pointed straight at her, manned by a shirtless drunk trying to entertain his buddies nearby. They cheered on his douchebaggery, and he offered toothy grin to Sara's irritated demeanor. "This is for posterity, babe," he said, moving the camera closer to her.

When it became apparent her companion would do nothing to defend her honor, Sara stepped up. "You're an asshole," she said, reaching up to swat the camera away. "Seriously, get that fucking camera out of my face!" Entertained, after a few swats, the cameraman retaliated by tipping Sara's beer onto her shirt. Laughter erupted again around her and Sara, quite irritated, padded at herself as a warm tingling emanated from where the beer had soaked into her blouse.

"All of you are assholes," Sara repeated softly, still wiping at the beer stain, but none the spectators laughed anymore. All their eyes were drawn to Sara's shirt. Where it had previously draped nearly straight down, it now bulged outward. She now sported two hefty breasts that captured the full attention of those around her. Seemingly unaware, Sara continued to wipe at the area below her newly-bloated bust. She was about to complain even more when she was cut off by a spray of beer in her face from the guy who had been previously chatting with her.

"Ew!" Sara said. He made no move to apologize, but let his eyes also drop to Sara's chest, compressed under the now too-small shirt. "What is wrong with you?" Sara said, disgusted. The guy didn't reply, though the cameraman chuckled, turning to his companions who he'd hoped would join him. 

They only stared at Sara. 

The camera turned back to her, only to find she looked almost unrecognizable compared to seconds ago. Her hair had darkened, and her face was made up beautifully. Sara still noticed nothing of her changing body, though she did begin to pick up on the way all the eyes of the room settled on her. She could also hear the distant sounds of Penny's persistent moaning through the open bedroom door, though no one else picked up on that.

"What?" she asked aloud.

Almost immediately, an elbow struck Sara's hand again, tipping the remainder of her beer onto her skirt and legs. She fussed at the mess, but still, no one laughed. Everyone watched as she blossomed upwards, her clothes growing and morphing with her. In practically an instant, Sara shot up from a petite 5'5" to a towering seven feet tall, forcing the guy next to her to back up lest he collide with a set of breasts nearly the size of his head. 

Sara, who had to this point been completely oblivious to the changes, now looked about with wonder, taking in her powerful new perspective. The room went silent, as everyone took in the magnificence of this towering red-haired beauty and, for a few moments, no one knew what to do next. The sound of beer dripping onto the floor and a dropped champagne bottle broke the silence, and Sara then mouthed softly, but clearly:

It's the beer.

Not a second later, two guys impulsively began emptying their beers into their pants, while a few other girls grabbed beers only to promptly pour them on their chests, faces, and legs. One girl, terrified by the sight of the now-giant Sara and fearing the possibility of more giant people and appendages, made a break for the door. Small brawls broke out over as yet unopened bottles, with more than a few crashes of beer bottles on tables, chairs, and the dull thud of at least one over someone's head. 

As the pandemonium reached its apex, the newly seven-foot tall Sara ducked out the front door followed closely by Penny, who in any other scenario would be embarrassed to be pulling up her underwear on her way out the door. Sara strode away from the house at a pace requiring her friend to jog to keep up. Once they were a block away from the party, Sara slowed a bit.

"You're right, Penny. I did have fun."

Penny swatted at her towering friend's shoulder, which was the highest she could reach without jumping. "Geez, Sara. You could have just said you were ready to go."

"This way is more fun," Sara said, ducking to avoid a tree branch. "Plus, I got a whole room of idiots to pour beer on themselves."

"You realize you were on camera, right?"

"I morphed off camera. It'll look like smoke and mirrors. Heck, with all the product placement for Hebeckoe beer, if they put it on the internet it'll just look like a low-budget beer ad."

Penny grinned. "Man, you witches can be real bitches sometimes."

Sara smiled down at her friend, just as they both noticed another party raging at a large house down the street, with a lawn decorated with paper streamers, an empty keg, and a passed out patron lying facedown in the flower bed. Sara grinned naughtily, as she readjusted the abundance of cleavage in her top.

"Let's not go home just yet. Looks like that house has higher ceilings..."

Originally published August 16, 2012