This is Seriously F***ed Up: A Bows[er]ette Story

Toadette, I entrust you with the power of the Super Crown, an artifact granting its wearer my attributes—both magical and physical. You must only use it in times of dire need and NEVER abuse its power. The Super Crown would be unfathomably dangerous in the wrong hands. Even more urgently, taking my form makes you the target for the countless evil forces who wish me harm. Do not take this responsibility lightly.

She hated when that smug pastel pink bitch was right.

Initially, Toadette had utilized the Super Crown primarily to ward off aggressive Koopas as well as put that creep Lakitu in his place. While she certainly welcomed the augmentation of her magic power, the Peachette form also substantially boosted her confidence and vitality. After years of being the DUFF alongside Daisy and Peach, the temptation to transform from a short, stocky, toadstool into a leggy, blue-eyed, blonde knockout was too much to resist. She began employing her magically augmented chassis to score free drinks, access exclusive royal parties, and explore some peculiar roleplays with Toad.

As predicted, her increasingly high-profile antics caught the attention of the most persistent stalker in the Mushroom Kingdom: Bowser Koopa. He spotted an uncharacteristically blitzed Princess Peach stumbling out of the Toadstool Pub and capitalized on the opportunity to pull off his easiest royal abduction to date. Toadette awoke from her drunken blackout back in her original form and locked in a cage, while a nearby Bowser held her Super Crown in his claw, examining it curiously.

"What is this? It is not a typical Super Mushroom."

"No, it's not Super Mushroom, Koopafuck. it's a Super Crown."

"A crown? What is its purpose?"

Toadette rolled her eyes. "You'd have no use for it, jackass. Enhancement relics don't work on Koopas."

"Aren't you a charming little firecracker!" Bowser said, taken aback by her sharp tongue.

"Shove a goomba up your ass, you fat sack of turtle shit."

Frowning, Bowser turned his attention back to the object in his hand. "Will this 'Super Crown' make me King of the Mushroom Kingdom?"

"Like I said—"

"Enhancement relics do not work on Koopas," Bowser repeated. "Enchantments, however, are fair play."

This dickweed is smarter than he puts on. "It definitely won't make you King of this realm. Trust me, though. You seriously fucking do not want to use it."

"I do not, and will not, trust you," Bowser said, taking the crown in his fingers and raising it into the air.

"NO!" Toadette shouted. "Don't!"

"Long live the King!"

As Bowser set the crown onto his horned head, a burst of dense pink smoke filled the room. Through the ringing in her ears, Toadette thought she heard Princess Toadstool, though the tone A twisted snicker crescendoed to howling laughter, before settling into a satisfied chuckle. While she had some idea what to expect, nothing could prepare Toadette for the sight before her.

The smoke dissipated to reveal the monstrous Bowser Koopa had transformed into a towering, crimson-haired, Koopaesque beauty. The Super Crown sitting atop her horned head, she sported eye-popping curves, flawless bronze skin, and a wide fanged smile. Behind her, a spiked emerald shell sat above her curvaceous bottom, below which her horned tail twitched with delight. Even Bowser's stale odor had been supplanted by a cinnamon scent so rich it was almost pungent. The Koopa-woman ran her claws along the swell of her hips, across her soft tummy, and over the crest of her billowing bosom which overfilled her strapless black dress.

"The power of the Mushroom Kingdom," she boomed, squeezing her breasts between her fingers. "Oh! I can feel it!"

I bet that meatheaded plumber wouldn't mind feeling the power of those gazongas, Toadette thought, before shaking the image out of her mind. "This is seriously fucked up, Bowser. Whatever twisted shit you have planned, you won't get away with it."

"You're right. Bowser won't," the mega-Koopa cooed. "But Bowserette certainly will."

"I think 'Bowsette' is better, but whatever. You do you girl."

"Oh, I fully intend to." Bowserette turned towards the door as the sound of footsteps outside her chamber grew louder. "First, however, I feel we should welcome our next guest." After several emphatic knocks, a fiery explosion blasted the wooden door off its hinges and Mario bounded in, fireball in hand. His visibility limited by the debris, he scanned the wreckage around him, spotting Toadette in a nearby cage.


"Toadette! I'm-a here-a to—"

"Look, I gratefully accept your heroic rescue but, for fuck's sake, please don't talk. That accent is as obnoxious as it is offensive."

"I dunno. I kind of like it," a raspy voice hissed from behind them. Mario whirled around to meet the threat but halted at the sight of a mind-bogglingly curvacious giantess. "Sorry Mario," she purred. "I'm afraid your Princess is in another castle."

A mix of good, bad, and awful thoughts filled Mario's head as he struggled to process the situation. This twisted clone of his girlfriend was substantially taller, exceedingly buxom, and, notably, half-Koopa. Mario was accustomed to an aggressive, boorish Bowser who wanted nothing more than to tear him to pieces. The lascivious grin on this woman's face indicated she had other things on her mind than manslaughter. Toadette recognized the expression as why she made a point to steer far clear of Mario while wearing the Super Crown. She snapped her fingers, barely managing to catch his attention. "Hey, Plumber! Put your confused boner on hold for a sec and get me out of this cage!"

Mario flicked a tongue of fire at the lock on Toadettes cage but remained enthralled by Bowserette, who straightened her posture, emphasizing her copious décolletage.

"Does my little nemesis like what he sees?"

Mario gulped, nodding his head.

"Would he like to see...more?"

"Shit yeah!" Toadette exclaimed, genuinely curious to see what Bowserette's nipples looked like.

"Then, you're in luck," Bowserette said, producing a super mushroom from behind her back. With the effects of the enhancement relics limited to citizens of the Mushroom Kingdom, the stockpile of magic mushrooms, flowers, and stars Bowser had accumulated over the years served as mere reminders of his many failures. Now, in her half-human form, Bowserette could feel the power radiating from the mushroom she held in her claws.

"Your wish is my command."

Mario and Toadette both went pale as Bowserette took a hearty bite of the mushroom, gulping it down. An overwhelming warmth immediately bubbled up inside her, and she laughed as her already monumental body surged even larger. The walls of the once cavernous chamber seemed to close in as her swelling form consumed the space around her. The growth came to a halt as sudden as its onset. Unable to see beyond her magnificent pulchritude, Bowserette dropped to her knees, sending a shockwave through the castle. Still unsatisfied with her view, she slid forward onto her elbows. Her colossal breasts spilled out, dropping to the ground with a thwomp. Mario and Toadette struggling to keep their footing.

"The kingdom can wait. This big Koopa has more...immediate needs." Bowserette licked her red lips. "I think I'll keep you as my little pets."

"I am absolutely down with that!" Toadette exclaimed, "as well as any other freaky business you have in mind."

"That's good to hear," Bowserette said, before flicking the little toadstool out of the room with a whip of her tail. Her spiny appendage slithered behind Mario, blocking any further entry or exit. "Right now, however, I'm more interested in hosting my own private Mario Party. What do you say, little guy?"

Mario gazed into a chasm of cleavage large enough to swallow him whole, then up at the eager, lustful smirk stretched across his Bowserette's face. He briefly considered the possibility he could be falling into a trap, but could not convince his pleasure-addled mind to care. Disregarding his personal convictions, emotional attachments, and Toadette's muffled cursing fit, Mario enthusiastically dove forward into the warm recesses of Bowserette's plush bosom.

Woo hoo!

Originally published October 5, 2018