The Adventures of Harley Quinn and Normal Girl

I hate Gotham City.

Dropping below the clouds, Kara Zor-L—'Power Girl' to the public—accelerated, ripping through the mist which coated the massive Gotham skyline. While the setting certainly had its own Gothic beauty, in her personal opinion it was too damned dark and gloomy, especially at night. It certainly explained plenty about Batman, who embodied the essence of Gotham: larger than life, unreasonably dangerous, and way too full of itself.

When the harbor came into view, she decelerated and leaned back, letting let her cape swoop underneath her while casting her silhouette over the ground below. She'd picked up the maneuver from Superman, who had pretty much written the book on in-flight theatrics. There was no one to impress here, though—the empty alley served as a passage into the south end of the old warehouse district, long condemned due to widespread structural damage to most of the buildings. Sprawling out over several acres, the area served as a breeding ground for criminal activity and was pretty much impossible to patrol unless you had x-ray vision, super speed, or were Batman. Kara didn't need to rely on any sleuthing for this particular visit since she had a personalized invitation in the form of ultra-high-frequency Morse code.

"Power Girl. Meet me at Warehouse 52. Wear something sexy."

Based on current incarceration status, behavior history, and psychological profile, Kara had narrowed the note's origins down to three possible perpetrators. She mentally placed each of the three in order of likelihood and determined the reward she would treat herself to for each. Kara had picked up an interest in the detective-work side of her duty from working with Oracle, and she found she had a talent for it when she took the time to do it. That said, she found heat vision, super strength, and ultra-cleavage served as all the 'detective work' she needed for most scenarios.

With a combination of super-vision and super-speed, it didn't take long to find warehouse 52. Nudging the rusty door open, she scanned the space in front of her with her x-ray vision while cautiously making her way inside. Stale air assaulted her nostrils, and her super-hearing picked up a dozen rodents inhabiting her immediate vicinity as well as a single human heartbeat. A few steps in, she caught a hint of movement in the corner of her eye, before a bright light filled the entire space, and several pops above her head sent confetti and streamers raining down upon her. Any hero who'd done any work in Gotham had long taught themselves to expect anything from the villains of this city. She briefly considered the possibility she'd wandered into one of the Joker's traps, but this particular "trap" seemed less deadly and more arbitrary.

"You came! Yay!"

2nd guess. Looks like I'm getting Gelato tomorrow.

Kara followed the sound of the voice through the confetti until she spotted Harley Quinn perched roughly 30 feet off the ground atop a stack of crates. While sporting her trademark pigtails and face paint, Harley wore a cocktail gown version of her normal costume, complete with silver smiley face earrings and black leather knee-high pumps. Next to her hung a large tapestry which stretched from the ceiling all the way to the ground. Kara attempted to x-ray through it, but the cloth contained a deliberate lead lining on the other side. Harley noticed Kara's attempt to see through the cloth.

"Hey! Stop trying to spoil the surprise with your super-seein'."

"I hate surprises, Harley. Show me what's behind the curtain or I go back there myself."

"Listen to you, all straight-to-business. Well, I'm excited too, so here you go!" Harley yanked a large rope, which snapped from the ceiling and fell to the ground, leaving the curtain still hanging. Power Girl rolled her eyes, and Harley pouted for a moment before reaching up and tugging the fabric. The fasteners snapped away, sending the curtain—along with Harley—down to the ground. Power Girl considered catching her but decided against it. Harley had plenty of cloth to land on.

Kara found herself too perplexed by the sight before her to move, anyways.

Harley had painted a 30-foot full-color likeness of Power Girl on the far wall of the warehouse. The cartoonish caricature depicted her stark naked, kneeling on the ground with her chest thrust out provocatively. The likeness wore a pout on her face, with one hand hoisting an immense breast and the other hand touching her lip coyly with a single finger. If the haircut and proportions did not give it away, the words "Power Gal" above the mural certainly hammered the point home.

"Wh—what is that?" Kara gasped, feeling embarrassed, horrified, and—to be honest—a tad flattered.

"It's you, silly!"

"I gathered. But...why?"

"Because, I'm a HUGE fan of yours. I made a HUGE picture of you, for you. Whaddaya think?"

Power Girl had seen plenty of strange stuff in her tenure as a costumed hero, and this easily made the top ten. Truthfully, Kara Zor-L had no idea what to think. A known criminal, murderer, and supervillain had painted a massive erotic mural of her on the wall of a warehouse building. She waited for further explanation from Harley, but judging by the all-too-familiar lascivious grin and pupil dilation, Kara had a hunch Harley's feelings went deeper than mere fandom.

"Well...thank you, Harley. It's certainly flattering."

Harley beamed with joy. Jumping to her feet from the pool of fabric, she let out an ecstatic cheer, performing a flurry of cartwheels and landing right in front of Kara. She promptly knelt down on one knee and flipped open a small box to reveal a ring with a gemstone which shone a vibrant, wicked green.

"Will you marry me?" Harley asked, her eyes bright with anticipation.

"Is that kryptonite?"

Harley nodded happily. "It sure is!"

Power Girl's immunity to kryptonite was common knowledge in the hero and villain community, and the lack of malice in Harley's face indicated her awareness of this fact. None of this explained the gift, which Harley still offered on bent knee with an expectant grin.

"Well, Harley, it's certainly an odd choice, particularly if you're shooting for romance."

"It's pretty, it doesn't hurt you, and it doesn't hurt me."

"It's giving you radiation poisoning."

"Nah," Harley shook her head. "I'm tough." Kara figured Harley was referring to the anti-toxin administered by Poison Ivy, which accelerated Harley's healing. "Anyways, it'll be our special thing, ya' know, once we're wifey and wifey."

Kara had tried not to think about that part. "Wait, you're serious?"

"As a Doomsday-attack."

"Harley you're a villain, and I'm—"

"—like, the sexiest thing in spandex?"

"It's kevlar, and I think we're moving a little fast."

"Says the gal who's faster than a speeding vibrator."

"Harley!" Kara was rapidly losing patience.

"Come on! I've gone good now, ya' know? I'm legit outta' Arkham, I'm workin' with the Suicide Squad, and I haven't killed anyone in, like," Harley thought for a moment, "two weeks!"

Kara rubbed her temples in agitation. "Harley, this all flattering, and the ring is a really nice touch, but—

"Look, I'll even wear it." Harley plucked the ring out of the box and slid it onto her finger. "Whatcha' think?

"If I were Superman I might be upset. I'm not Superman."

"You sure aren't," Harley said, poking Power Girl's breast through the open window in her costume. "You've definitely got more personality."

In a flash, Power Girl gripped her hand down on Harley's wrist, twisting it away with a single blindingly-fast motion. Harley winced and reflexively grabbed Kara's hand, forgetting about the super-stun buzzer in her other hand. Her hand clasped over Kara's, lighting the Kryptonian up with several hundred volts of electricity. At first, the buzzing felt like little more than a mild shock, but Harley's kryptonite ring flared up with energy, causing visible bolts of green to snap through the air about them. While electricity did not generally harm Kryptonians, it was not a comfortable feeling, and Kara struggled to maintain control of her body as the charge coursed through her. Harley also felt the full strength of the voltage, which had ripped through Kara's body and back to her own. Every muscle in her body tensed, before a warm, pleasant energy washed over her, causing Harley to moan with delight. Power Girl, in the meantime, felt as if energy were being drained from her, and she fought to keep from blacking out.

With an extraordinary effort, Kara managed to separate herself from Harley. Upon doing so, multiple waves of nausea hit her repeatedly, and she struggled to remain upright. Slowly, but surely, the sickness subsided. After a few deep breaths, she managed to stand up straight. The world around her looked out-of-focus, and her limbs felt heavy. Kara felt none of the invigorating solar energy which normally welled within her, and the onset of this realization disoriented her. She put her hand on her arm to rub feeling back into it, immediately noticing two things: her arm was noticeably thinner than it should have been, and she'd reached across her body without running into the usual impedance from her…

Oh shit.

Her body had lost significant mass. She examined her rail-thin arms and nearly flat chest, which left her uniform hanging loosely on her reduced frame. If not for its form-fitting design—necessary for cutting in-flight wind resistance—it probably could have dropped off of her completely. It was not too long before an exclamation from Harley captured her attention, and Kara looked up, way up at the imposing figure before her.

"Look at me! This is so cool!"

"Cool" wasn't exactly the words Kara would use to describe the extraordinary sight of an empowered Harley, who had grown at least a head taller. With her own lowered stature, Kara had a hard time assessing Harley's height, though from what she could tell, she easily stood over six feet tall. Additionally, Harley's formerly lean physique now had a layer of thick muscle, possibly surpassing even Kara's former size. An awestruck Harley flexed both arms, which bulged with newfound power. Power Girl now stood roughly collarbone height to Harley who, in trying to look down at Power Girl, noticed she had a more limited downward field of vision than she was accustomed to. Her eyes went wide, and her hands went to her tits.

"I get the chesticles too? Bonus!" She gleefully squeezed and jiggled enlarged assets while Power Girl stared, speechless. The tiny cocktail dress barely preserved Harley's decency. Harley noticed Kara staring and smirked. "Enjoying the view, Power Girl? Or maybe I should call you 'Normal Girl' instead? It looks like you've lost a little weight." Harley let out a booming laugh at her own joke, her voice having taken on a richer, deeper timbre. She then grasped Kara at the waist and hoisted her into the air, while Kara did her best to maintain her composure.

"Look at you! You're so cute!" Harley gushed. "Ya' don't even weigh a thing!"

"Yeah, about that. Can you put me down?"

"In a sec. I wanna try somethin'." With little effort, Harley tossed Kara about ten feet into the air. Instinctually, Kara tried to fly, but, as expected, nothing happened, and she plummeted down into the arms of Harley, who caught her with surprising grace. Harley tossed her a few more times—each toss higher and each landing rougher—before placing a single hand under Kara's rear and hoisting her into the air with one hand. While still holding Kara above her head, Harley turned to a nearby shipping crate. With her free hand, she effortlessly punched through the thick wood, which surrendered like styrofoam. Pulling her arm out, she admired how the nails and splintered wood hadn't left a mark on her toughened skin.

"Didja see, Normal Girl? Looks like I'm callin' the shots now." Kara did not answer and waited impatiently to be set down. Harley's eyes suddenly lit up with excitement, and Kara desperately hoped with all her being Harley wouldn't try holding her with one finger. Thankfully, Harley lowered her hand, allowing a grateful Kara to slide onto the ground.

"Sit tight, blondie. I wanna try somethin'."

Before Kara could ask what, Harley kicked off the tattered remains of her boots, crouched down, and with all the strength she could muster, leaped straight up into the air. Her super-strength sent her rocketing upwards, blasting through the ceiling like a cannonball. Her telescopic vision now gone, Kara quickly lost sight of Harley. While awaiting the inevitable landing, she pulled a small earpiece out of her utility belt, placed it in her ear, and tapped the communication pin in her collar.

"Hey, O, you there? We've got a situation."

"P? What are you doing in Gotham?"

"Later. We've got a code 021."

"Hold on, I'm securing our line. Ok, we're good. Jesus! Can't you Kryptonians keep track of your powers? Who is it?"

"Harley Quinn."

"She does have a thing for you. Let me guess, kryptonite & electricity?"


"Red or Green?"


"Ugh, we dealt with 'Emperor Joker,' we can deal with 'Queen Quinn.' What's your status?"

"Depowered," she said, before looking down at her chest, "and then some."

Oracle groaned. "This was supposed to be my night off. All right, here's a tip: Harley is flighty, but also likes attention. Give her all of yours, do what you need to do to keep hers, and try not to let her accidentally kill you. Humans with Kryptonian powers may have serious issues with control. I have a couple of ideas on how to fix this, but I'll need a little time to do some research on the materials necessary."

"Understood. Hey, I gotta go, I'll keep you posted." Kara ended their communication as a siren-like wail from above slowly increased in volume. Kara dashed for the far wall, taking cover behind an old forklift as Harley fell back through the hole in the ceiling, impacting the ground with the force of a small meteor. She was unharmed and unamused.

"Oof, that smarts!" Harley exclaimed dusting herself off. The impact had shredded the remains of her top, leaving her topless. She either didn't notice or didn't care. "Hey, Normal Girl, how do I fly?"

"It's hard to explain."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It's hard to explain. How do you lift one eyebrow?"

Harley's mulled this over. "Well, get to it. You don't want to make me angry, do you?" Harley stomped a foot, and the impact shook the entire room, leaving a web of cracks in the concrete under her foot. Kara pondered how exactly she planned to contain what was essentially a psychotic, super-powered child. In the meantime, Harley was preoccupied with the motion of her greatly-enlarged breasts, which gave Kara an idea.

"Wow, they look even bigger on you, than they were on me."

"I know, right?" Harley said, clearly pleased to be talking about her boobs. "I'm gonna need a new costume." She grinned naughtily at Kara. "How about yours?" Kara opened her mouth to respond, but before the air had escaped her lips, a cool breeze whipped around her body, jerking her limbs about almost painfully. In a flash, Harley had undressed her, leaving her standing in her underwear. Kara covered her chest with her forearm as Harley inspected the costume, holding it up against herself.

"Looks like you're right. I am bigger than you were. Doesn't mean it won't fit, though." In a blur of movement, Harley changed out of her tattered dress and squeezed into the Power Girl uniform. Harley's larger chest bulged alarmingly against the open hole in the chest, creating an absolute eruption of cleavage. Despite the tight fit, Harley seemed satisfied. She flexed again, eliciting a series of protests from the seams around her arms.

"Oh yeah, check out the gun show."

"Harley," Kara shouted, unhappy with both her state of undress and having to feel cold. "It's freezing and I need clothes!"

"Don't get yer panties in a twist, little girl. I'm gonna have a little fun first." A naughty look flashed across Harley's face, and she sped forward, blasting through a row of crates and the wall of the warehouse. Kara carefully followed after, since she now had to watch out for splinters and nails. She emerged outside to find Harley examining a dilapidated crane.

"Harley, that's old machinery," Kara yelled. "I don't think it can—"

"You tryin' to tell me what I can't do?" Harley said, easily tilted one end of the crane off the ground.

"No Harley, I'm pointing out—"

"Watch this, Normal Girl!" Her current maneuver not providing an adequate challenge, Harley walked forward taking on more and more of the machine's weight before the other end left the ground. Hoisting its full weight above her head, she laughed triumphantly. The rusted crane—which likely had not been moved in several years—creaked in protest. Still holding the machine, Harley turned toward Kara, who winced as groaning of the metal grew louder. "I thought I was tough before, but this...this is awesome! Ya' jealous yet?" Harley wiggled the machinery back and forth precipitously, while Kara only stared, agog.

Harley quickly realized her amplified strength (and impulsiveness) was no match for the physics of mass distribution. She wobbled onto one leg before tumbling backward, bringing the machine down upon herself as well as the warehouse behind her. It's integrity already weakened, warehouse 52 imploded inwards, bringing a roof and a few walls down upon her as well, effectively burying Harley in a pile of twisted metal and concrete. It didn't take long, however, for Harley's blonde pigtails to peek up through the wreckage. She stood up, shrugging aside literally tons of metal and concrete with ease.

"Ha! Not even a scratch!"

Kara looked around warily at the rows of warehouses in the area as well as the dozens of other large machines. While she feared the possible collateral damage—namely herself—of Harley's increasing recklessness, she figured this to be the best place to keep Harley contained until Oracle could come up with a solution. Unfortunately, the sounds of sirens in the distance indicated they would not be alone for long.

"Sounds like my playtime has gotten some attention."

"Ok, Harley. We should probably get out of here."

"Why? You think I can't handle the cops? Bring 'em on!" Harley said, with an eager look in her eyes.

Kara thought quickly. "No, I...I want ice cream."

Harley's face immediately brightened. In a flash, she was once again right in front of Kara, grasping both her hands. "I know just the place. It'll be our first date!"

"Our first date!" Kara repeated, smiling through clenched teeth while also wondering where Harley planned to get ice cream at 1:15 am. An instant later, Harley pulled her into her body face first, nestling Kara's head underneath the shelf of her breasts. Kara fidgeted and pushed back in a futile attempt to get free, but could not remotely budge the super-powered villain, who giggled condescendingly until Kara held still.

"You all secure down there?"


"It's gonna' be a bumpy ride, so you'll need a little protection from the girls."


Once again, Harley crouched down and leaped upwards, rocketing the two of them into the sky, over countless rows of buildings, and towards the entrance to the warehouse district. An elated Harley laughed gleefully, reaching the apex of her jump as the police cars passed below her. Twisting back, Kara managed to catch a glimpse of the ground below. She sighed, realizing the police dispatch would soon be greeted by a smashed metal crane, several foot-shaped craters, and a mostly-demolished warehouse, with the sole remaining wall displaying gaudy, 30-foot, full-color mural.

Originally published March 4, 2015